The refreshing taste of mint gum is lingering in my mouth as I type. Friendships should be like refreshing gum: no matter how long it's been, no matter how much it is, where it is: it's still going to be refreshing. The good and bad memories will come back up, and although you two will be changed people, you will still understand. Still communicate. Sometimes, I meet people after 5 or 6 years (true story), but there is love rooted deeply. Not all relationships are like that. Sometimes, I speak to people after months and the click just isn't there. The understanding and mutual concern has faded. Distance doesn't break people apart (I have a close friend in Saskatchewan, 2,326 km away, trust me I know), people break people apart. That's why it's so easy to end things on a bitter taste. Or on a fresh one, so that if the friendship ever rekindles...
In the beginning of the week, I met a well-known teacher in the Muslim community. I was shocked that I would get the opportunity to be in a small gathering with her, and truly felt blessed. But here's what really stood out to me: they are real people, just like you and me. They sit and they eat. There is nothing which binds them to high pureness, no amounts of words which they utter can equate to perfection. And that's important to remember for every caller to Islam. Even a blogger [of Islamic words & knowledge]. Everyone is truly capable of hurting and loving, and the marks we leave are what define us in this world and for the Hereafter. Here's an interesting story about The Marks We Leave.
I know procrastination was today's obstacle. You see, there is something else which is pending (I can't mention the 'thing' unless I win it because I am a sore loser yes I am), and I procrastinated working on that, too, and I procrastinated telling you about it, too. I'm mentioning it at the end of my post. Procrastination within procrastination. Inception. (If you see this at the top of my post it's because I felt bad and am trying not to procrastinate and this is one of my coping mechanisms).
I always want to do something different, talk about something different, and show a different side to something. But today is not the day for any of that. Today I feel like boring old me. The same old PB&J sandwich. The same old breakfast lunch dinner. The same old, same old. But I swear, my mind is filled with new new new. You see recently I broke my phone and now I think I am having severe separation problems as well as I-miss-you-so-much-can't-sleep-without-you problems. Also over-thinking problems. Also my mind is overflowing problems. Too much time too little dreams kind of problems.
When I have my phone, I completely block myself out of what's going on with others. If I am in the car, I will glance at it once in a while at least to make it look like I'm busy. But today I couldn't do that. Instead, I went to the grocery store (and I went to dollar store - if you know me, that's my favorite place and I've spent a good $100 there plenty times before) and I made small conversation with my family.
On nights like today where I can't seem to find anywhere to go, no funny YouTube video, nobody online to speak to, my mind starts to reel back to the thought of you. I haven't really lost you, only in worldly terms. I can see your beauty but I am hopefully awaiting the day I will truly see it, rather than through the pictures or the jewelry. That is why I look for you in others. I am able to trust others instantly because I know I would've trusted you instantly. I look for understanding in people, words flow out of my mouth easily, because I know I would've been able to speak to you easily. I am able to smile at and embrace others easily, because I know I would have been able to smile at you easily. I hurt others. And I fear that I've hurt you, easily.
G A P s
for filling the time I couldn't give to myself
G A P s
for all the love others couldn't fill in my heart
and all the others which are filled with understanding
I don't need a break from my life
I need a life in my break
because how can I do something with life
if I haven't learned how to love it?
Gap Year, 2017.
"O you who have believed, do not put [yourselves] before Allah and His Messenger but fear Allah. Indeed, Allah is Hearing and Knowing." - Quran 49:1 (Sahih International)
"The best among you are those who have the best manners and character." - Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
"I am not what happened to me, I am what I chose to become." - Carl Jung
"The function of leadership is to create more leaders, not followers." - Ralph Nader
"You have never had to steal my breath or take it away, somehow you have always managed to convince me to hand it over freely." - Tyler Knott Gregson
"These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb." - Najwa Zebian
"I finally understand that I do not write, I leak." - Tyler Knott Gregson
"I am too little butter on too much bread. I am too many thoughts in too little head." - Tyler Knott Gregson
"How can land be owned by another man...is the sky owned by birds and the river owned by fish." - Lupe Fiasco
"Who you are, what you think, feel, and do, what you love—is the sum of what you focus on." - Carl Newport
"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw
"The pain leaves bit by bit. Be patient. You are healing." - Yasmin Mogahed
"An image I always like is of a circle of knowledge — but as the circle grows, as the diameter increases, so does the circumference that’s in contact with all that darkness outside the circle of light — that ignorance." - Stuart Firestein
"Sometimes the only way to catch your breath is to lose it completely." - Tyler Knott Gregson
"It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. Once that belief becomes deep conviction, things begin to happen." - Muhammad Ali
"Love isn't soft, like those poets say. Love has teeth which bite and the wounds never close." - Stephen King
"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or a rainbow in its climbing, falling colors." - Maya Angelou
"What we need is more people who specialize in the impossible." - Theodore Roethke
"Travelling. It leave you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller." - Ibn Battuta
"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy
"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." - Dr. Seuss
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. – Robert Louis Stevenson