My co-operative learning instructor gave me the task of writing my self-analysis workbook. I thought I'd share my workbook here to serve as a place to look back on myself, and my views about myself.
You see, there are 100s of personality tests out there, and sometimes we wonder: do we really ever get to know ourselves? Sometimes, we think we already do. Certain actions are taken because we think we will be pleased by them. But there are other times where we continue to surprise ourselves by the people we are and have become. Sometimes, we are so close to ourselves that we cannot see what others see. And sometimes so far and out of reach that our vision becomes blurry.
I find it interesting that understanding our strengths and weaknesses are a precursor into joining the workforce and establishing a career. After taking a personality test, 16Personalities, I found out that I have a Campaigner personality. Under the section "career choices" and "workforce habits" I was really amazed to see present habits I already have when I have worked before, and certain career paths I'm already on.
Know yourself before you Work yourself. And that is why I'm here, sharing a glimpse of my self-analysis workbook.
Section 1: Uncover Your Core Strengths
What activities, personal or professional, do you really enjoy doing?My personal favorite activities include writing, performing my writing through spoken word, spending time with my friends and family. Professionally, I enjoy doing things which will benefit and help other people such as starting initiatives to aid communities in need or poverty-stricken. In school, I enjoy working with others on group projects and doing work which will increase my own knowledge.
What would you like to try out or learn more about?I would like to learn more about sports and physical activity and its affects on mental health. I have an interest in swimming and archery. Moreover, I have a strong interest in entrepreneurship as well as starting my own business.
List 3 accomplishments that you feel good about in the past. They can be big or small!a) Graduating High School
b) Getting my G1
c) Meeting the benchmark for PSYA01 co-op enrolment
What skills did you use to achieve these accomplishments? (E.g. communication, teamwork, problem-solving, leadership, etc)
A mix of communication with teachers to go over my struggles in school and resilience in overcoming those struggles. Using leadership by joining some clubs as well as teamwork in those clubs. Moreover, using independence to set and reach goals.
C. Values & Impact
What are your core values? To help you answer this question, consider the following: What problems are you motivated to solve? What do you care most about? (E.g. family, innovation, prosperity, environmentalism, equal rights, etc)
My core values are community togetherness. I believe we all have a role to play and responsibility to uphold and as long as we all are integrated in doing so we will succeed together.
What things are affecting the world, your country, your community? What could make things better? How could you contribute?
I feel like the things affecting my world is mental health issues not being addressed nor resolved. I feel like in order to help each other I need to be strong by making myself mentally stable as well as helping those who are mentally unstable. Moreover, I feel like I can contribute my studying psychology and furthering my studies in order to use my knowledge to help make an impact on my communities.
What natural talents do you have?
I am naturally extraverted, a people's person, outspoken, intuitive, and am able to see positive in situations.
In what situations do you feel you're most comfortable and/or feel the best about your ability to contribute? I feel the most comfortable at my religious institution, where I find I can leave an impact on people who look up to me as a role model. I find I can contribute by understanding others and resolving conflict.
Section 2: Discover Your External Assets
A. Professional Experience
What job roles have you held previously?
I was a Youth Coordinator at Islamic Society of Markham.
What types of occupations are your naturally gravitating towards? Which occupations are you steering away from? Why?
I gravitate towards teaching and community positions, where I interact with others. I steer away from jobs which force me behind a desk, independent and alone.
B. Academic Experience
What academic experience and/or certifications have you already acquired?
I have graduated high school and working towards a BSc in Psychology.
What are you excited to learn more about next?
I am excited to learn more about how I can implement my skills to the workforce, how I can implement my learning to the world and those around me.
C. Support Network
Who are your mentors in your academic and career journey?
My mentors are my teachers and professors, my community leaders (such as therapists and psychologists at religious institutions).
Who are your biggest supporters in your academic and career journey?
My biggest supporters are my friends and family.
Who do you normally turn to for advice and support?
I turn to my friends and family.
D. Industry Knowledge
What is your professional industry of interest? (e.g. Education, health, technology, etc)
Where are you looking to gather new information about professional industries of interest?
I look to educational institutes such as schools, private schools. For community-based I follow many community social media accounts.
What additional resource, opportunities, and events are you interested in exploring? (e.g. Conferences, professional associations, social media, podcasts, websites)
I am interested in exploring different ways of educating students and education around the world. I am interested in how writers started writing books, blogs, websites.
Section 3: Next StepsA. Brainstorm Co-op Opportunity Ideas/ Potential Challenges
What career titles have you been interested in lately?
I have been interested in Teacher, Social Worker.
What careers have you explored so far?
In some forms, teacher through helping with youth programs.
What are some challenges or barriers that you foresee in your upcoming co-op job search?
I am afraid in Psychology I will only get admin/office jobs as I don't have enough experience yet to do anything outside of it.
What do you think you need in terms of support or resources to help overcome these potential challenges or barriers?
I want to make sure I know there are available jobs in Psychology where I am not only working in research.
B. Ask For Feedback
To get a wider perspective on your personal assets and challenges, reach out to your support network for feedback. Try to ask a couple different people these same questions and see if you can spot any patterns or themes that arise. Record your response for each individual you ask.
What do you see as my natural strengths?
What do you see as my greatest area for improvement?
- Try to interact more on the basis of helping others with their feelings/problems
- Speak up for yourself
In what situations have you seen me do my best work and contribute in a valuable way?
- When I do things last minute and am able to make it look like I spent time on it
- When I find someone in need
Do take the personality test and let me know which one you match in the comments below!
As always for now,
Asalamu alaykum, May Peace Be Upon You.
I guess I keep coming back here because at this point, writing is how I'm living. I'm done surviving. For survival is just us making sure none of us end up dead and that is deeming to be hard. Survival through the battles and the scars means we are at least hiding in the bushes and we aren't trying to catch our prey. I want to live. And so this is how I'm living. Maybe it's awkward. Maybe it's stupid. But I know that if I don't document these moments of pain I'll miss the feeling when it's gone. Not the feeling of pain. The feeling of itching to write all the time. I swear it happens. It's like I'm going through this dream and I keep wanting to make sure I remember it. I keep wanting to remember this moment. And how I feel in it.
Because surely it's probably the lowest point of my life I have ever been at. And I'm not proud of it but I'm hoping it doesn't go lower. The worst is to think this is just the beginning. And so by documenting this moment hopefully I can look back and say, yes. I went through THAT. So if I can go through that, I can go through anything.
I want to reclaim this space. By wanting perfection I continue to lie to myself about how I'm feeling. And so maybe today I won't say something inspiring. Because I'm not.
I was flipping through my poetry book my friend gifted to me in 2016 and am jealous of the writer I was. How easily my hand guided the pen. Now I feel stuck. And instead of speaking about something good and different. Refreshing and inspiring. I'm writing about how I'm stuck. How I'm regretful. Ungrateful. And writing should make sense. I should do it to inspire. But instead I'm writing to live. Because I'm sure survival is the easier part. Even though these days it seems like it isn't.
May Peace Be Upon You, Asalamu Alaykum.
I want to start being truthful to myself. Maybe it's the looming "Happy New Years" I hear when I step outside. Maybe it's the feeling that as I grow older certain patterns don't seem to leave my life. Or it's the fears that keep repeating themselves in front of me. Sometimes the monsters don't sleep under our beds. They sleep inside us. And we tuck them in each night.
My response to fear as a child was a hybrid between false hope and acceptance. Let's say my fear took the shape of a Big Scary Monster. I would hide from the Big Scary Monster. If it scouted me out, I would pretend I wasn't hiding and that I merely didn't see it. And then I would befriend it. And just when the time was right I would build up the courage, take a sharp shard of glass and - this scene never came. Because I didn't ever build up the courage to hurt it. I would give myself false hope that it will change into something beautiful and accept my fate when it didn't. And as the fears went from Big Scary Monster to more complex beings - my response to them never changed.
And now, the Big Scary Monster has left from under my bed. Instead, I sleep each night with a fear. Of love.
It's such a simple statement. But I could never imagine saying that out loud. And that's why it's easier for me to write it here because it has taken years of silence to muster up. Silence in relationships I could see falling apart. Silence in relationships I had but didn't want. And silence in relationships I wanted but never had.
I do believe I have the capability to give love. But also the inability of accepting it. Just as I befriended the Big Scary Monster, I take love out of fear. Thankfully I don't know the feeling of being without it. I am quick to be the first to give love if that means it's easier for me to take it. Never deep enough. Never open enough. Just quick enough.
In a theory in psychology my awesome-crazy-smart-sister explained to me called Object Relations Theory, there is a process to be able to use an object. First a subject must put the object through destruction. If the object survives destruction, it can be used. The most simple example of this can be the relationship between a mother and her child.
Too many have thought destruction to be evil. Is it really, though? Caterpillars destruct their cocoon to break free and become butterflies. Babies destruct their mother's womb and enter into her arms instead. And then there's matriphagy. It's a process in which some species of animals actually eat their mothers. It's crucial for the survival of the species.
In nature, destruction is seen to be a step in creation.
I am afraid of destroying. Not because I am soft and kind. But because I fear the love I can use. I'm finally realizing how much love I have soaked in like a sponge and have not used.
Accepting love is scary because it's hard work. It means understanding the extent to which someone else on this earth is ready to go for you. Sometimes people who have lost significant relationships earlier on in life have trouble with love. And sometimes people who received the wrong kind of love have trouble accepting it.
Stephen Chbosky was not wrong when he said we accept the love we think we deserve.
Okay enough with this love talk. I hope I made some sense. I hope this year comes with strengthening of old and new relationships. And Overcoming Fears.
May Peace Be Upon You, Asalamu alaykum.
The best time to write is in hardship.
When locked in real prisons or the heart's cage
Locked in sinking ships in between holes
Confused life roles
Choosing paths of different intent
Crossing path with forbidden love and descent
Descent of the crescent moon.
Who shies away from giving light
Afraid to reveal too much and take you away from harsh times,
Because then you will stop all that you write.
"O you who have believed, do not put [yourselves] before Allah and His Messenger but fear Allah. Indeed, Allah is Hearing and Knowing." - Quran 49:1 (Sahih International)
"The best among you are those who have the best manners and character." - Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
"I am not what happened to me, I am what I chose to become." - Carl Jung
"The function of leadership is to create more leaders, not followers." - Ralph Nader
"You have never had to steal my breath or take it away, somehow you have always managed to convince me to hand it over freely." - Tyler Knott Gregson
"These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb." - Najwa Zebian
"I finally understand that I do not write, I leak." - Tyler Knott Gregson
"I am too little butter on too much bread. I am too many thoughts in too little head." - Tyler Knott Gregson
"How can land be owned by another man...is the sky owned by birds and the river owned by fish." - Lupe Fiasco
"Who you are, what you think, feel, and do, what you love—is the sum of what you focus on." - Carl Newport
"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing." - George Bernard Shaw
"The pain leaves bit by bit. Be patient. You are healing." - Yasmin Mogahed
"An image I always like is of a circle of knowledge — but as the circle grows, as the diameter increases, so does the circumference that’s in contact with all that darkness outside the circle of light — that ignorance." - Stuart Firestein
"Sometimes the only way to catch your breath is to lose it completely." - Tyler Knott Gregson
"It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. Once that belief becomes deep conviction, things begin to happen." - Muhammad Ali
"Love isn't soft, like those poets say. Love has teeth which bite and the wounds never close." - Stephen King
"To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or a rainbow in its climbing, falling colors." - Maya Angelou
"What we need is more people who specialize in the impossible." - Theodore Roethke
"Travelling. It leave you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller." - Ibn Battuta
"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy
"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." - Dr. Seuss
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. – Robert Louis Stevenson